


Clarity

by Zetor



Category: Daria (Cartoon)
Genre: AU, Bipolar Disorder, Gen, Medication, Suicide Attempt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-09-09
Updated: 2016-08-31
Packaged: 2018-04-19 21:02:21
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 9
Words: 7,864
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4760903
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Zetor/pseuds/Zetor
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Tiffany's mind clears and she gains a new perspective on life.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This comes from a response to a challenge put forward by Stickshift on the PPMB, in which a character lashes out. Many thanks to him for the idea.

It was three weeks ago. Mother had been busy and had forgotten to set out the pills for a couple of days. Everything had become so clear. I wasn't drowsy or slow; I could _think_. After a day back on them, I decided that there was no way I was going to keep taking them.

It's morning and that means breakfast with mother. I grab the pills she'd placed next to my empty plate and toss them into my mouth. Keeping them under my tongue, I finish off my orange juice. I put on a good show, with a big swallow at the end. When mother turns her back to put the plates in the sink, I spit the pills into my purse.

"Caaan I go to schoool now?" _Make sure to drag out the vowels. It's a trip to the doctor if she notices, and that would mean back on the pills._

"Of course dear. Have a good day."

I pull the door closed behind me and start the walk to school, making sure to not to walk too fast. _Have to be careful._

School's hard. Not the classes, those are actually easier, but being around my friends is starting to get boring. All they talk about is clothes. Sure looking cute is nice, but there's so much else out there in the world. I've started reading novels in the library when I can get away from them. They never find me. Who would look for _me_ in the library?

Sitting at a table reading, I'm interrupted by someone behind me clearing their throat. Turning I see Sandi Griffin. _This might be a problem._

"Like, what are you doing? We've been looking all over for you," she asks, her tone more irritated than concerned.

"Sorry Sandi." _Stretch the vowels. Stretch the vowels._ "I waass loooking for the maaagaziiines." _Please don't notice._

She looks like she suspects something for a moment, but it passes quickly. "Tiffany dear, all of the magazines here are woefully out of date. Let's get out of here, we have a meeting in the bathroom in ten minutes and I will not let Quinn get there before me."

I take note of where I am in my book and follow Sandi to the girl's room. We spend thirteen minutes waiting. Sandi crosses her arms and taps her foot while I stare vacantly into the mirror. _Got to keep up the act._ Quinn eventually shows up, Stacy in tow.

"It certainly took you two long enough," Sandy says imperiously. Stacy flinches. _Why does she keep hanging around Sandi? Why do I?_

"Sorry, we got held back by Mr. DeMartino," Quinn quickly explains.

"Very well, I'll let it go this once, but don't let it happen again." _What a joke, if she was late she would just say she was being 'fashionably late'._

"Of course Sandi. So what are we discussing today?"

"We were going to talk about the cheerleaders and the fact that they've been dating more of the non-jock popular boys that we normally date," Stacy rattled off, pulling a notebook from her bag. _Why do we even care?_

" _I_ think we need to go talk to the cheerleaders and explain to them how these things work," Sandy says, starting things off.

"I don't know Sandi, some of the jocks are pretty cute and they'd be freed up for us to date if the cheerleaders were dating other guys. Plus, we would get a break from dating the same group of guys we've been dating," Quinn counters. _How can they put so much thought into this?_

"Wow Quinn, that's a good point," Stacy chimes in. _She never has an original thought, does she?_

There's a gap in the conversation and everyone stares at me expectantly. _Oh right, that was my cue._ "Um, yeah." _Was I really this dumb?_

"Gee, if everyone agrees with Quinn, maybe she should be president of the fashion club," Sandi whines.

"Sandy, no!" Stacy cries.

"I could never be as good a president as _you_ Sandi," Quinn adds.

"I don't see how it could be any worse." Things get quiet and all three of them stare at me. _Crap, I said that out loud._

"What was that Tiffany?" Sandi asks, shock and anger competing in her tone.

"You know what? Screw it. This is boring. I just spent thirteen minutes staring at my reflection. All you three think about are clothes and guys. Don't get me wrong, I like both, but there's more to the world than who's taking you out Friday and what you'll be wearing. We live in a beautiful, vibrant world full of possibility and you're meeting up in a _restroom_ to discuss your claim on boys? Sorry, I have better things to do. Bye."


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tiffany meets up with Daria and Jane.

_I'm finally free!_ I almost skip through the halls towards the library. As I pass through the courtyard between the main building and the library I feel a pleasant breeze blow by. I stop and take in the feel of the air against my skin and the smell of fresh cut grass, and promptly feel someone walk into my back.

"Ow!" cries a female voice, followed by the thud of a body hitting the ground. _Great job, first thing you do after you start acting normal is knock someone onto the ground._

Turning around, I see Quinn's sister sprawled out on the grass groping blindly for her glasses. I quickly grab the glasses and offer her a hand. "Are you okay?"

She takes my hand and I help her up. Dusting off her skirt, she mutters, "What happened did you forget how to walk?"

"Sorry about that, I didn't realize there was someone behind me," I explain, handing her the glasses.

Putting them on, a look of recognition crosses her face, closely followed by surprise. "Tiffany? Shouldn't you be talking about ten times slower?"

"It's amazing what skipping half a dozen pills every morning will do for your thought process." _Why did you mention the pills?_

She's quiet for a moment, then says, "I bet that's going over great with the fashion club, they're all about intellectual discourse."

"I don't think that will be a problem, I doubt they're going to want to spend much time with me anyway," I say with a smile.

Daria raises an eyebrow and stares at me expectantly.

I shrug. "I got tired of all the shallow posturing and told them off. Last I saw they were standing in the girl's room in shock."

She actually smirks a bit, and asks, "Do you still eat that cheesless excuse for pizza?" _Oh my God, real pizza._

"Actually, I'm all about trying new things lately."

"Good, then let me buy you a slice. Well, let Jane buy you a slice, she owes me a pie. Call it a celebration of your graduation from idiocy."

"Cool, you mind if I pick up a book first?" I ask, gesturing to the library.

She looks surprised for a moment, then shrugs and replies, "Sure, I've got to drop one off anyway."

The pizza place is packed with kids from school, as usual. Luckily Jane already has a booth and waves us over, looking at me with curiosity.

"Are we doing some kind of exchange program? I'm not going to have to go hang out with the fashion club am I?" Jane asks, still staring at me.

"Only if you 'forgot' you owe me a pizza again," Daria replies.

"I already ordered. So what's up with the fashion drone?"

"I decided there were better things to do with my time than index nail polish," I reply. _Don't get mad, she doesn't know you've changed yet._

"Hey you're not talking like a record on the wrong setting anymore!" _I'm going to be hearing that for a while, aren't I?_

Before I can say anything, Daria says, "I think not hanging around those three has bumped her IQ up a few points." _Is she covering for me?_

Jane shoots Daria a questioning look, but seems content for now. "Cool. So what are you going to do with all your new free time?"

"I hadn't really thought about it. There's so much I haven't tried. The fashion club doesn't exactly have a wide variety of interests."

"Why not try hanging out with us? See how the other half lives," Jane offers.

"I'd rather not consider myself a part of the same whole as the fashion club, but you're welcome to hang out. I could use some intelligent conversation." Daria says the last with a smirk at Jane.

"Hey!" Jane feigns offense. _It's cool how they can joke like that._

Before anyone can say anything else, Kevin and Brittany walk up to the table, wearing their usual vapid expressions.

"Hi!" Brittany says with a squeak.

"Hi, Brittany. Hi, Kevin," I respond, trying to be polite.

"Are you, like, lost?" Kevin asks, addressing me.

"Are you?" I ask, amused.

"Nah, I know where I am."

"And where is that?" Daria asks.

"The pizza place," he says grinning, clearly proud of himself.

Jane smirks and picks up where Daria left off, "Very good, now why are you at our table?" _These two are good._

"Um…" He seems to struggle for a while and then turns to Brittany, "Babe, why are we here?"

"We're here to help Tiffany." Turning to me she asks, "You're popular, why are you eating with Daria and Jane? Are you confused?"

"How can I be popular if I'm eating with Daria and Jane?" I ask, trying not to smirk. _See, I can play too._

"Huh, that's a good question," says Kevin, clearly deep in thought.

"Why don't you go think about it and come back when you're done," Daria suggests.

"Good idea, Daria. We'll be back later. Bye!" Brittany says, dragging a still thinking Kevin behind her.

After they're gone Jane grins at me. "Oh, I like this one. She's got spunk."

I can't help but laugh. "That was fun. You two do that all the time?"

"Well, there's no shortage of idiots in Lawndale," says Daria. _That's for sure._

Jane notices something and gets up. "Pizza's ready. I'll be right back."

After she's out of earshot, I whisper, "Thanks for covering for, _you know._ I'd rather avoid that getting out."

"I kind of figured," Daria whispers back, "Don't worry, I won't tell anyone. We're talking about it later though." _Guess I don't have much choice._


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tiffany, Daria, and Jane spend an afternoon relaxing and then head to the Zōn.

_Pizza is delicious._ After years of cheeseless tomato bead, the real thing is amazing. The greasy cheese and salty meats are almost overwhelming. I look up after finishing the last slice to see Daria and Jane staring at me.

"Do I have something on my face?" I ask.

Jane shakes her head in disbelief. "I haven't seen anyone eat like that since the band had to push the tank back from The Zōn."

"I guess it's been awhile since I had any real food," I explain.

"I don't know if pizza counts as real food," Daria says.

Jane grinned. "Sure it does. It's got all the basic food groups. The crust is a grain, the sauce is fruit, the cheese is dairy, and the meat is, well, meat. It's the most balanced meal you'll get outside of a Clusterburger." _How long has it been since I had a burger?_

"Can't argue with _that_ logic," Daria replies sarcastically.

"So what are we doing this afternoon?" I ask, excited.

"We were just going to go hang out at my place and then go see my brother's band play at The Zōn later on," Jane explained.

"Your brother's in a band?"

"In a loose sense of the word."

"Very loose," Daria adds.

"At least they've got their looks." Jane smirks pointedly at Daria. "Right, Daria?" _I'm missing something here._

Daria blushes, and glares at Jane. "Yeah, too bad the good looks don't run in the family. You two ready to go?"

Daria and Jane are in surprisingly good shape. It's a long walk to Jane's and my legs are killing me, while they're walking along like it's normal, debating which movie to watch when we get to Jane's. I guess getting driven everywhere has its disadvantages.

By the time we reach the house, Jane has convinced Daria that we should watch some movie about Godzilla fighting a giant robot. It's kind of funny how bad it is, but the real entertainment comes from Daria and Jane's running commentary. I join in a bit myself and they actually laugh at what I say. It's nice to have people laughing with me instead of at me.

We kill a little more time just hanging out. Daria and I watching TV while Jane paints at her easel. It's a totally different experience than hanging out with the fashion club. There's no pressure or schedules, just relaxing and making jokes.

As it starts to get dark, we pile into Jane's brother's car and drive down to the Zōn. I've never been to the club before, it's not exactly a fashionable place to go. When we get there, I take a look around and try to take everything in. Everything is filthy, the people are all freaky, the music is unrecognizable, and the whole place has a weird smell. I love it.

Jane notices me looking around and grins. In a weird voice she says, "The Zōn: You will never find a more wretched hive of scum and villainy." _That's from some movie. I should know that._

"Hey Obi-Wan," Daria says, "why don't you go check on the band?"

There's a brief pause as the two exchange a look, then Jane nods and says, "Right, just make sure Luke here doesn't start any bar fights." She quickly disappears into the crowd towards the stage. _How do they do that?_

"Come on, it's time we have a little chat," Daria says, waving me over to a table in the corner.

I swallow and follow her, sitting down across from her at the cheap wooden table. I can feel my shoulder's stiffen, bracing myself for whatever's coming. "So what do you want to talk about?" _Here it comes._

Daria sighs. "Calm down Tiffany. I wouldn't have spent all day hanging out with you if I was going to rat you out."

I relax a little, part of me still waiting for the other shoe to drop. "Then what do you want to talk about."

"Don't spread it around school, but I actually _do_ have a conscience. If someone tells me they stopped taking a handful of medication every morning I get a little worried."

I look down. "Oh."

"So why are you supposed to be taking it?"

 _Might as well be honest._ "I'm bipolar, or at least that's what the doctor says. And I have oppositional defiance disorder. That means I disagree with my parents." Daria sits quietly for a while. "Daria?"

She shakes her head. "Sorry, that's not exactly what I was expecting. Although I'm not sure what I _was_ expecting to tell the truth. It's just, you don't seem bipolar. Hell, if you'd asked me before today I'd say you were barely monopolar."

I let out a bitter laugh. "Drug someone up enough and that'll happen."

"Do you have them?"

"What?"

"The pills."

I think for a moment, then dig through my purse, producing the multicolored tablets and capsules. "I usually throw them out on the way home, so Ms. Li doesn't find them in the trash. Why do you want to see them?" I give Daria an apprehensive look. "You don't want to try them do you?"

She looks at me like I'm an idiot, and says, "Yes, being an airheaded zombie looked so fun I felt I just had to try it myself."

 _Why did I say that?_ "Sorry."

"It's fine. Look, I wanted the pills so I could look them up online. If you really have a problem, you should be taking at least some of those. Maybe I can figure out which ones are slowing you down and you can take the rest."

"I guess that makes sense. Why are you doing all this for me?"

"Like I said, I'm cursed with a conscience." She gives a small smile. "It also might not be so bad to have another person to enjoy bad movies and eat junk food with." _Is this really happening? Keep your cool._

"Sounds like a good deal to me," I say, handing her the pills which she quickly pockets. "Should we go find Jane?"

"She'll show up soon, the band's about to go on."

As if on cue, Jane appears from the crowd on the dance floor. "Hey! You two ready for something approximating music?"

"Are they really that bad?" I ask, standing up to get a better look at the stage.

Daria joins Jane and I at the edge of the crowd, as four grungy twenty-somethings take the stage. "What they lack in skill, they make up for in cringe worthy lyrics."

The dark haired guitar player who must be Jane's brother steps up to the mike. "Hey, we're Mystick Spiral, but we're thinking of changing the name. This is 'Ice box Woman'." After the drummer realizes he's supposed to start, he counts them in. They're not as bad as Daria and Jane make them out to be. Not good, but entertaining.

Out of the corner of my eye I notice Daria blushing while looking up at Jane's brother. _That's what was going on at the pizza place._ I smile. I can't really blame her, he is pretty cute, not as cute as the guy in the vest though.

When the next song starts I leave Daria and Jane and head out on the dance floor. Not a lot of people are dancing, but I don't care. As I move my body to the music my mind drifts back over the day. I dropped some fake friends and I think I found some real ones, and I got to experience so many new things in the process. _Why did I wait so long to do this?_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello,  
> I haven't been writing little author's notes for this, so I figured I'd at least drop one in.  
> Like I said in the first part, this was written for a challenge over on the PPMB. I was going to stop after the first part, but ended up continuing, so if you want I guess you can view the first chapter as a complete story in and of itself. That said, I know where this is going and I hope you'll read along and enjoy. We should be around halfway through at this point, maybe a little more.  
> As always, thank you for any comments and for reading even if you don't comment. I've certainly done plenty of that myself.


	4. Chapter 4

Saturday mornings aren't much different than weekdays, except Father is at the table reading the paper. I go through the routine. Pills under the tongue, take a drink, and spit them out when no one's looking. Faking being stupid is never hard with my parents; I'm not expected to talk, just respond. After breakfast, I excuse myself, saying I'm going out to do some shopping, and start the long walk to the Morgendorffer's. _Walking everywhere is definitely going to take some getting used to._

It's weird being at the Morgendorffer's to see Daria. I'm so used to coming over here for fashion club meetings that I feel like I'm going to one now. Thankfully, they're meeting over at Sandi's today, so I don't have to worry about running into them. I knock on the door, and after a minute Daria lets me in and leads me up to her room.

"This is such a cool room," I say, patting the padding that lines most of the walls.

Daria drops into her computer chair and starts pulling up a website. "Yeah, the padding's proven especially useful when Quinn drives me to bang my head against the wall. Come over here and look at this."

I walk up behind her and look over her shoulder at a website describing what I'm guessing is one of my medications. _I probably should have done this myself a while ago._ "So which one is this?"

"This is your lithium. It's a mood stabilizer. It's pretty much the foundation of the treatment for bipolar disorder. In other words, you need to be taking it."

I hate the thought of taking anything, but I nod and commit the pill to memory. _Daria's smart; I can trust her._ "Okay, what's next?"

Daria swivels her chair to face me. "Before we go on, I want to point out that I'm not a doctor and that you really should be talking to someone who actually knows what they're doing. We're talking about altering your brain chemistry; it's a little out of my depth."

 _I wish I had the option._ "My doctor is the one who put me _on_ this stuff. He doesn't talk to me; he just listens to my parents and gives them what they want to shut me up." I take a breath to relax and unclench my fists. "If I told him I went off my meds, or even wanted to change them, he'd tell my parents and I'd be dead."

Daria sighs and turns her chair back to the computer. "I was afraid you'd say that. Well, consider yourself warned." She pulls up another page and explains, "This is Zoloft, an anti-depressant. Again, I recommend you keep taking it."

"What about the other two?"

Daria brings up two more windows on the screen. "These are Klonopin and Seroquel, a tranquilizer and an anti-psychotic. It's not unusual to see them used in treatment for a case like yours, but the dosage on both is really high, pretty much at the limit of what's legal to give you. If anything you were taking is making you feel like a zombie, it's these."

 _Well, I'm never taking those again._ I take a moment to process what I've just learned, a smile forming on my face as a sense of control floods my body. "Thanks Daria, I really appreciate you doing this for me. If there's anything I can do to pay you back, just let me know."

Daria hits a button on her keyboard and spins around to face me as her printer starts working. "Just keep this between us; I'd rather not get a reputation as an authority on prescription drugs." The printer goes silent and Daria grabs the stack of paper sitting on the tray and hands it to me. "This is some more detailed information on your medication."

I look over the papers. They're not too complicated, although I certainly couldn't have understood them a few weeks ago. _I would have had trouble with a coloring book a few weeks ago._ "Wow, you really think of everything."

"It's no big deal."

I shake my head, still smiling. "If you say so." _Ask her before she kicks you out._ "So, um, do you want to hang out or anything?"

Daria smirks. "Sure, what do you know about killing zombies?"

I spend the rest of the afternoon reading up on my medication, watching bad TV, and learning how to properly re-kill the digital undead. _Add video games to the long list of things I've been missing out on._ Before it gets too late, I leave Daria's and enjoy a pleasant walk home, tossing the papers she'd given me in the neighbor's trash a few blocks away from my house. _Have to be careful._

As I approach my destination, I reflect on how I spent my Saturday, and how I would have had I remained in the fashion club. Daria was definitely an improvement on her sister; she actually used her brain, and she got along with her best friend instead of plotting against her. It was so relaxing hanging out with Daria and Jane, and there were so many new things to experience. _This is so much better._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yello,
> 
> Long time. Looong time. It's been a year since I touched this.
> 
> Greetings to those who followed this and are back, you have my thanks. Welcome as well to those who just found it on the front page. I hope you all enjoy it. As always, review if you can, but don't feel obligated.
> 
> There should be more coming soon; I have the next couple of parts pretty much done.


	5. Chapter 5

I unlock the door, expecting an empty house, only to find Mother standing in the entryway with her arms crossed. _This is bad._ Before I even get a chance to close the door behind me, she asks, "Where have you been, young lady?"

"Shopping. I told you, remember?" I lie. _Stretch the vowels!_

She raises an eyebrow, but doesn't say anything about my speech. "And where were you before that?"

 _This can't be good._ I start to tense up. "III waaas at myyy frieeend's houuuse." _Technically not a lie._

Mother narrows her eyes at me. "Don't lie to me young lady. I spoke to Sandi today, and she informed me that you didn't show up at her house for your meeting. She also told me about your little _episode_ in the girls room yesterday."

 _No, no, no._ "Mother, I can explain—"

"I don't need to hear any more of your lies, Tiffany. This type of behavior is unacceptable. I think we may have to move up your next appointment with Dr. Clemens."

My body is on edge; blood is pounding in my ears. "No!" _What am I doing?_

"Excuse me?" Mother asks, taking a step forward. Her voice is half-shocked and half-livid.

I've felt great for the past few days, and now all of that's turned to frustration and anger. The words tumble out on their own, "I don't need the pills! I haven't taken them in weeks! I feel better and nothing's wrong. Everything is easier. I can _think_ again. For the first time in years I'm myself!" _Maybe she'll understand._

"Well that certainly explains a few things." Mother's expression changes from judgment to concern. She walks towards me, extending her hand. "Don't worry, your father and I will get you the help you need. We'll just take a trip to that hospital the doctor mentioned."

 _Why did I think she'd listen?_ I turn away from Mother and sprint out the door as fast as I can, not bothering to hold back the tears streaming from my eyes. I zigzag through the neighborhood trying to find somewhere they won't look for me. I finally stop in an alleyway to catch my breath. I'm tired from the run, but I feel more alive than I have in as long as I can remember. As I rest, I notice a thumping bass and the sound of people coming from a few houses down. Someone is having a party.

A party is a good way to disappear and a great way to relax, both of which I need right now _._ It's a senior party, but I walk in like I own the place and no one questions a cute girl being there. I'm still feeling a rush from fighting with Mother and everything feels amazing. After a few drinks, I feel even better and make my way to the makeshift dance floor.

I close my eyes and just move to the music, losing myself in the sound and motion. _Was dancing always this amazing?_ Everything feels like it's moving in slow motion, and I can think faster and more clearly than ever. I never want it to end.

My enjoyment is disrupted when someone starts dancing behind me, occasionally bumping up against me and disrupting me. I look over my shoulder to tell whoever it is to get lost, but he's really cute and when he smiles at me I can't help but smile back. _It's not like it feels bad to dance with someone else._ I start to move together with him and find that I actually like the contact between us. It's almost electric and I seek out more, barely able to keep from shamelessly grinding against him. _Are people watching?_

The song ends and I'm flushed and full of energy. I turn around and smile up at him. He smiles back and we start to move again as the next song starts. He raises his voice to talk over the music, "Hey, I'm Brad. You're one of those fashion girls, right?"

 _Guess the news hasn't spread._ "I used to be, now I'm just Tiffany," I explain, raising my voice as well.

He looks me up and down and raises an eyebrow. "You're not _just_ anything but gorgeous."

 _Really?_ I don't know if it's the beer or the rush I've been feeling, but I blush at the crappy line and put my hands around his neck as we continue to move. "You're not so bad yourself." _Did I just say that?_

He takes this as license to put his hands on my waist; again, the rush I'm feeling heightens even more when we touch. He inclines his head towards the stairs. In as subtle a voice as he can manage while still being heard, he says, "This is my buddy's house and I have dibs on one of the rooms. Wanna go upstairs?"

 _We met less than five minutes ago!_ Normally I'd slap a guy for that, but tonight I just smile. It's like I'm thinking so fast I can't focus and I'm just acting on instinct. Everything we've done so far has pushed this amazing feeling I'm experiencing further and I want to keep it going for as long as I can. Before I can talk myself out of it, I answer him by pulling him down for a long kiss. _Wow, that felt good._ While he's still off balance, I take the lead and drag him towards the stairs.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yo,
> 
> Told you it wouldn't be long. I'm a bit nervous if I'm getting things across correctly here; it's hard to put some things into words, even if you've lived through them (or something similar at least).
> 
> The italics in the previous chapter were accidentally removed and have been fixed, just FYI.
> 
> Hope you enjoy.


	6. Chapter 6

_This was a mistake._ I feel sick. My head is killing me and I think I might throw up, but that's not the worst of it. I feel empty. The rush, all the energy from last night, is gone, replaced with regret and anxiety. I can barely move; I'm tempted to just curl up in the bed and go back to sleep, but I force myself to get up. I have to get moving before someone finds me.

Brad is gone. I woke up alone in a stranger's house after a one-night stand with absolutely nowhere to go. _This is not the kind of new experience I wanted._ I can barely even remember last night; everything after coming home is a blur, almost like I was outside myself. What I do manage to remember just makes me long for that rush and feeling of self-assurance, which only makes the emptiness inside of me ache more.

I wrap myself in the bedsheet, preserving as much decency as I can, and get out of bed. My clothes are scattered around the room and it's a struggle to find them in only the early morning light streaming through the uncovered windows. _I really hope the shades were closed last night._ I eventually manage to collect my clothes from around the room and put them on, the act leaving me feeling dirty and ashamed.

Thankfully, no one notices as I sneak out of the house at a sluggish pace. _Now where do I go?_ The fact that I'm homeless really starts to hit me. I wander aimlessly through the neighborhood, eventually collapsing onto a park bench when my exhaustion wins out. My body sags and I quickly drift off to sleep.

* * *

"Tiffany?" I wake up slowly, blinking my eyes against the sun and looking up to find Jane standing over me wearing running clothes. "Are you okay?"

Waking up on a park bench with Jane standing over me has me disoriented, and I reflexively say, "I'm fine." The groan in my voice tells another story.

Jane crosses her arms and cocks her head to the side. "Really? So you were just taking a nap on a park bench in rumpled clothes because it was so comfortable, then?" she asks sarcastically. _Great_ , _one_ _of_ _my_ _cool_ _new_ _friends_ _knows_ _I'm_ _a_ _hobo_.

I sigh and force myself to sit up, holding my still aching head. _Shouldn't this hangover be gone by now?_ I avoid eye contact and say, "My mother found out about the pills and I ran away." _No need to mention the party._

"Pills?" Jane asked, concern and shock in her voice. _Damn it. I forgot she didn't know._ "Tiffany, what the hell is going on?

I sigh again, staring at the sidewalk. _Might as well get it over with._ "I'm on a lot of medication, well I used to be. I stopped taking it a few weeks ago; that's what made me wake up and start living. I guess that's over now."

Jane looks a little lost, something I'd never expected to see. After thinking for a moment, she says, "For now let's get you to my house and call Daria, alright?"

I shrug and slowly get to my feet. _It's not like I have anywhere else to go_ _, and Daria would find out sooner or later._

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey,
> 
> Just a short little bit here. Got it to you quick though. Not much to add, hope you enjoy!


	7. Chapter 7

Time seems to stretch as Jane and I sit on her bed watching TV in an awkward silence. Well, she's watching; I can't seem to focus on the show. My mind keeps drifting to my situation.

 _My life is ruined._ I can't go home, but I don't have anywhere else to go. I'm a homeless teenage girl. I'm going to end up sleeping on the streets and begging for food. _And that's if I'm lucky._ I could end up having to do things I don't even want to think about. It makes me think of last night. It's not that he forced me, or even that I didn't enjoy it, it just feels like it wasn't my choice; I wasn't in control.

A knock on the door breaks the uncomfortable mood and Jane gets up to let Daria in. I can hear their voices as they walk up to Jane's room, but can't make out what they're saying, just that Jane sounds angry at Daria. _That has to be my fault._ When they get back, Jane sits down next to me on the bed and Daria walks over to me and looks me over. When she seems satisfied, she turns off the TV and asks, "How are you feeling Tiffany?"

"What do you mean?" _Terrible._

"Jane found you asleep on a park bench," she answers flatly. With more concern, she adds, "She said you've been kind of out of it."

"Oh," I respond, embarrassed.

"She could have just been tired," Jane offers. "Benches don't exactly make great beds." _Is she trying to cover for me?_

Ignoring Jane, Daria asks, "Tiffany, what happened after you left my house yesterday?"

Thinking back over last night, a lump forms in my throat in my throat. _I have to tell Daria._ _If anyone can help, she can_ _._ I swallow and take a deep breath. "When I got home, my mother was waiting for me. She'd talked to Sandi and she knew something was up. She said we were going to go see the doctor. I-I tried to explain—" My voice hitches and I can feel tears running down my cheeks.

Jane puts an arm around me comfortingly, giving a light squeeze. "Daria maybe we should wait a while, give her some time to get a little distance."

"I _need_ to know this Jane," Daria says, frustrated. _I'm making them fight._

Jane glares at Daria and it seems like she's going to respond, but I cut her off, "I told her I'd been off the pills and that I was fine. I don't know what I was thinking, it just came out. She said she was going to put me in a mental hospital and I ran." Jane gave my shoulder another squeeze.

"How were you feeling?" Daria asks.

I think for a moment, remembering the feeling from last night, then answer, "It's kind of weird, but I felt good, like I could take on the world. I was worried about getting caught at first, but then I was convinced I wouldn't be."

Daria nods. "What happened next?"

I look down at the floor. "I wandered around and went to sleep in the park." _The party can't be that important._

"Don't lie to me Tiffany," Daria says harshly.

"Daria!" Jane says in a shocked tone.

"It's for her own good, Jane. I can't help if I don't know what's going on." _Stop fighting over me; I'm not worth it!_

"Stop!" I almost shout. The two look at me and I continue my story. "I… found a party. I had a really good time; that feeling from before got better and better. I started dancing with this guy and one thing led to another and I-I slept with him. I don't know why, it just felt so good. I slept with a guy I don't even know." I drop my face into my hands. "I'm such a slut."

Jane grabs both of my shoulders and spins me to face her. " _Don't_ call yourself that. You're not a slut," she says firmly. "You just slept with a guy; you didn't do anything to be ashamed of, okay?" _Easy for you to say._

I nod awkwardly and shrug off Jane's hands, turning back to Daria. "So, when I woke up in the morning, he was gone. I was hungover and felt like I didn't even have the energy to move. I barely managed to sneak out of the house and ended up in the park."

There's a long silence, then Daria says, "This is bad."

"No shit," Jane responds, "Some asshole just ditched her after he was done with her and she has no place to go."

"Not that," Daria says, ignoring the look Jane shoots her. "Tiffany has bipolar disorder. It sounds like she was manic last night, maybe she has been the past few days. Now she seems depressed. She needs to see a doctor." _So much for Daria helping._

I stand up. "I'm not going back and being turned into a zombie again," I say more aggressively than I intended.

"Tiffany, you can't just live on the street," Daria insists.

"She can stay here," Jane offers. "It's not like we don't have the room."

Daria shoots Jane a scathing look, then turns back to me. Almost pleading, she says, "You're sick. You need your medication."

"I'm not going back," I repeat. _I'd rather die._

Daria's shoulders sag and she shakes her head. "I'm telling you both, this is a bad idea."

Jane stands up next to me and firmly says, "I'm not letting her live on the street."

I ask Daria, "Are you going to tell my mother where I am?" _Please say no._

Daria sighs. "No, not for now at least. I'll try to find some better option." She starts to leave, then stops at the door and looks over her shoulder. "Tiffany, just remember that things will get better, okay? We're here for you." _Yeah, right._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello,
> 
> We're nearing the home stretch. This should be done by the end of next week. That's right I'm actually getting something done for once. I swear one day I'll get back to finishing the rest of my stuff too, hopefully...
> 
> Thanks for reading. Feel free to review, critical or praise.


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Check the tags if you think you might need to.

I blink and yawn as I check the clock on the bedside table. It reads eleven thirty. I start to panic about being late for school, then I remember I don't go to school any more. I'm a runaway now, because my family would rather turn me into a braindead zombie than put up with a freak of a teenage daughter.

I roll onto my back and stare up at what Jane called a room chime, thinking about my situation. I never really thought about being bipolar before. Daria says I'm depressed. If this is depression, it's way worse than what people talk about. I'm not sad, I'm empty. Everything is dull; I can hardly think, let alone move. The world is horrible and I just want to sleep forever. _Too bad I just woke up._ I guess what I felt the other night was mania. I felt so alive, like I could do anything. It was amazing, at least until I couldn't think anymore and slept with some guy I'd just met. I'm not even sure we used protection. _Idiot._

Thinking about Brad makes me feel dirty and I realize I haven't had a shower in a few days. Slowly, I force myself out from under the covers and make my way to the bathroom. Once I'm in the shower, I start scrubbing like I normally would. Still thinking of the other night, I begin to scrub harder and harder. It's like I'm trying to clean the whole experience off of my body, but I just end up still feeling dirty with raw red skin. I sit down in the tub and start crying, letting the water rain down on my back.

 _Is this the rest of my life?_ I either have to be a braindead bimbo or slide back and forth between being a human sloth and an out of control thrill seeker? _It's not fair. Why can't I just be normal?_ I'm inconveniencing Jane and Daria too. They're the only people who helped me and now they're fighting because of me. I might destroy their friendship. _They were so perfect and I ruined it. I ruin everything._ I hit the side of the tub with my fist in frustration. Jane is even letting me stay here; how long can she afford that? _I'm just a_ _worthless_ _leach._ I'm going to end up back on the street, or going back to Mother and Father. _Never._

Through the tears, something catches my eye, a razor. It must have fallen when I hit the tub. It's a men's razor, the kind that you screw the blades into. For some reason, I can't look away. It's like it's calling to me. After a few minutes of staring at it, I reach out and gingerly pick it up. I run my index finger along the blade, making a small cut across the tip. It hurts, but feels good at the same time, like a release. _This is right._ Turning it over in my hands, I find what I'm looking for and manage to get the blade out. I carefully hold it up in my right hand. _I_ _t's_ _beautiful_.

I think again about my situation, what my options are. _Nothing. I can't do anything. It's a dead end._ I lift my left arm up, looking at the veins and arteries pumping blood through it. I find the longest one I can, then I sink the blade into it and pull. It hurts. It hurts so much. I think I scream, but I can't tell through the pain. _Just finish it. It will be over soon._ Shakily I put the blade in my left hand, but I can't hold onto it and it falls into the tub. My breath grows ragged as I watch the blood pour out of my arm and mix with the water as it flows down the drain. My vision starts to blur and I close my eyes, waiting for the pain to finally end. As my consciousness finally starts to fade, I think I hear someone shouting and a pounding on the door. _It doesn't matter. It's over._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Um,
> 
> So, things got dark there. Hopefully that wasn't too much of a surprise. I changed the tags, so I hope you noticed.
> 
> I'm not completely happy with this part, so feedback would be really appreciated.


	9. Epilogue

It's morning and mother and I are eating breakfast together like we always do. Mother never looks away at breakfast anymore. She watches as I swallow my pills, then walks over and puts her fingers in my mouth to make sure I'm not hiding them. Wiping her fingers off on a napkin, she smiles at me and says the same thing she always does, "Good job dear."

"Caaan weee go to schoool nooow?" I like school; it's the only place I can see my friends. Mother drives me to school and picks me up as soon as it's over. Mother and Father say it's to keep me safe, but it's not very fun.

Her eyes drift to the long scar on my arm. It's been almost two years, but she always makes a face when she looks at it. She shakes her head and says, "Of course dear, let's go get in the car." Once we're on the way to school, she says, "Your father said he was coming home early for your birthday tonight."

"Coool. Daaad neveeer cooomes home early anymooore." Sometimes he doesn't come home at all.

"No, he doesn't," Mother says gritting her teeth and making a face again.

* * *

Quinn is waiting in front of the school as usual. She started hanging out with me again after I hurt myself. Daria said she finally grew up. Daria, Quinn, and Jane are really good friends. They would always hang out with me at school, especially Jane; she always helped me out and looked out for me. If anyone teased me about my scar or my hand not working right she'd scare them off. She seemed sad sometimes though. They all did. Daria and Jane are gone now though; they're in college. I'd like to go to college, but I don't think I'll get in.

Quinn runs up and gives me a hug as soon as I get out of the car. "Happy birthday Tiffany! How's it feel to be eighteen?"

"Uuumm? Abouut the saaame I guuess?" I answer as she lets go.

"Really? Well _I_ can't _wait_ until I turn eighteen. A _lot_ changes," she says and looks at me funny. She grabs my hand and drags me toward the school. "Come on, let's get to class!"

* * *

 Quinn and I just got out for lunch but instead of going to the cafeteria the way we usually do, we're heading outside. "Umm, Quinn? I thiiink the cafeteriaaa is the other waaay."

Quinn smiles. "We're not going to the cafeteria today Tiffany. I've got a birthday surprise for you."

"Surpriiise?" I ask as we round the corner to the parking lot. Sitting on the curb in a beat up car are Daria and Jane.

Jane jumps out and gives me a big hug. "Happy birthday Tiffany!"

"Thaanks. Heeey, shouldn't you be in Bostooon?"

Jane smiles even bigger. "What, and miss our best friend's birthday? You're eighteen Tiffany. We're breaking you out!"

"Whaaat?"

Jane's really excited. "You're an adult; you don't have to listen to your parents anymore! We can finally get you off those knockout pills and to a real doctor!"

Through the open window, Daria calls, "Yell a little louder Jane, I don't think Li heard you yet."

Jane blushes, then pulls me towards the car and into the backseat. As she does, Quinn calls, "I'll see you tonight Tiffany!" and heads back into the school.

As soon as Jane and I are buckled up, Daria pulls away from the curb. "Umm, where are we goiiing?" I ask as the school disappears behind us.

"My parents place," Daria explains. "They know about how your parents have been treating you and they're going to let you live there for now. My mom's going to set you up with a real doctor and, when you feel like you're ready to leave, help get you on disability."

There's too much going on and my head starts to hurt. "I dooon't understaaand."

Jane sighs and gives Daria a weird look. Turning back to me, she explains, "You're going to live with Quinn for a while and you don't have to take your medication anymore."

I frown down at the long scar on my left arm. "Buuut, I neeed my medicatiooon."

Jane looks too, then wipes at her eyes and looks away. Daria says, "Only some of it. Remember that weekend a few years ago, when we became friends? It can be like that."

"Buuut that's wheeen—"

"We won't let that happen," Jane says, her face serious. "Daria's mom found a good doctor who's going to help you. Everything is going to be okay. I won't ever let that happen again."

"Youuu reallyyy meean it?"

Jane takes my hand. "I promise."

I look at Jane, then up at Daria. They're my best friends. They wouldn't hurt me. "Okaaay, I'll tryyy. Can weee dooo something fiiirst though?"

"What's that?" Daria asks.

"Caaan weee go see Jaaanes brooother? I neeever gooot to saaay thaaank youuu."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi,
> 
> So that's it. No more on this one. I don't plan to come back and revisit either; this is it.
> 
> I hope you enjoyed it. I'm still not happy with how the previous chapter turned out, but I don't think it's terrible either.
> 
> This whole story was supposed to be a short piece bout how Tiffany experienced a brief respite from being over medicated, that's why it had to end where it did. This chapter should really be considered an epilogue, given how she's drugged up again and it's two years later.
> 
> Reviews are always welcome, but I really just hope you enjoyed yourself. Thanks for reading.


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